in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
