If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
