you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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