dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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