ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
