I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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