They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
