i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
