He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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