OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
