it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
