arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
