Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
