I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
