Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
