Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
