Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
