My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
