It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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