And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
