ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
