This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
