he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
