Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
