You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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