fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
