I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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