I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we made out on top of his cat.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
