ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
