You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
