I wanna passion pit in your ass
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
