508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
