Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
