I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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