How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
