I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
