if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
