You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
