She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
