I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
