You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
