I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
