Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
