I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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