My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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