I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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