what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
