areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We are two peas in an std pod
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
