Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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