she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
