1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize